Brussels Sprout crises as farmers harvest too few.
There is a grave crisis now which we must face without fear and without reserve we as a people are now facing a Brussels Sprout shortage a threat that it is only possible to be terrified of. However now is the time when we must be at our bravest and seek help in our despair. Is it to much to ask of you to be lenient with your Brussels sprouts? No but there is one thing we can do as a people we must rally around to sign our names to a petition urging our government to declare this a national emergency because there is little good in what we are facing now at its best we will have fewer Brussels Sprouts and at worst we are facing a breakdown of all of our moral, cultural, political, and social boundaries we must act now before the whole moral fibre of our age is eroded that is why I plead and implore you to go and sign the petition put your name on the exquisite hand dotted (by my wife) lines as Mrs Nito social hub of our little village has so recently done with her fair and may I say lovely hands in her beautiful handmade gloves now it is your turn to do the same. This is not to say that you can use Mrs Nito’s lovely hands to sign as she can only use them for one signature you will have to use your own hands as my fair wife did some days ago.
Remember that if you do decide to sign my petition you will later be able to tell your grandchildren all about the day you saved England from a famine.
I find I must go now I hear my wife screaming in the kitchen and I suspect she may have burnt my dinner again but to all of you who read my article and to all those who have not yet to discover the cutting sprout parish news remember if you can my words and take them to your heart.
Yours truly, the Vicar