Monday, October 22, 2007

The W.I and the Harvest Festival

Hello my dears, I have just slipped out of the kitchen where things have been popping, bubbling and squeaking. I can hear something exploding out of its saucepan as I write this little note but I don’t dare look. Ahh dear Moony has just gone off to battle it back in… “Have Courage dear, use the broom if need be, remember it’s only a suet pudding….Its done what?! Hang on there dear I’ll be with you in a moment, I’m sorry dear reader I must just go and help poor Moony extricate herself to think she only went in their for a cup of tea…….”

Well dears I’m back, goodness me! The reason for all this baking and I know you’ve all been wondering is the upcoming W.I and very important this... The Harvest Festival. We all love a good knee’s up at Cutting Sprout, even the vicars been rather excited. As for Mrs Bagshott-Smyth she’s been putting together a little show to represent the oneness of all seasons and the primal feelings of the harvest, whatever that may mean. One sees her and her friends trudging off to the woods in the most inappropriate garb for the season, little chiffon fairy dresses and Crepe paper crowns. I tell you dears it’s rather a sight, last night as I was passing her house on my way back from the town hall meeting I took a little peak through the windows and saw them constructing a rather large set of papier mache vegetables. Mrs Bagshott-Smyth was painting a rather oddly coloured carrot. I stopped looking and hurried on, further down the road I passed Ida and Mary’s cottage come faith healing practice. They were sitting on the lawn with a pot of herbal tea debating whether if we are all dead as some people think there can be messages from the other side and if there are which other side they might be coming from. Mary was putting the finishing touches to a corn dolly that looked rather as if it wanted finishing off. It had a few little friends who sat whimsically around the teapot not looking all that out of place on Ida’s tea table. They invited me to sit with them which I did, Moony was out at the Full Moon and Lunatic and Brammy had popped into town to see a play, Blithe Spirit as it happens. Ida poured me cup of tea from herbs that she had grown herself. I could tell, it tasted weak and a little strange but it was very relaxing I have to confess. Mary asked me vaguely if I had made anything for the Harvest festival and then informed me that the harvest moon was very conducive to messages from the other side, which ever one it turned out to be. I suddenly remembered that apart from some jam and cordial I had laid down in July I really hadn’t made anything special. I assured the girls that I would be back to see if they could contact Woger, they looked at each other very oddly. I’m sure that Mary was biting her lip rather hard, I wonder why? I excused myself and made a quick run down to the village stores, returning laden with the makings of the pies, puddings and conserves with which I planned to impress the W.I. Well that was the plan at the time but as you will have noticed since then my baking all seems to have gotten a little haywire. Still I should imagine it’s still going to be twice the pudding that Harlot Harley will have mustered up.
(I am including this picture of one of my little successes. Pickled Sprouts! You'll never belive how many iv'e managed to make and I dare say that they'll go down a treat!)

I can hear Moony wrestling the strange thing into a tin now……. “Well dear if you cant find one big enough wrap it in greaseproof paper and pop it in the larder….Ohh it wont fit, well wrap it up anyhow dear….You think you can get it into the cellar well be careful those stairs haven’t been looked at in a fair few years.... Ohh dear right ladies and gentlmen I really must go now. Toddle Pip!!"

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Moony has been redecorating her room.....

Workmen have been going in and out and I hear them puffing and panting at all hours. Finally it seems that Moony was ready to unveil her new decor to Me I know Moony very well and I shuddered to think. It was bound to clash with my charming, carefully chosen sprigged wallpaper and fluffy green carpets. The door creaked open to reveal what I can only describe as a recently unearthed tomb crossed with a harem, and then re-decorated by a certain romantic novelist who wore pink (she claimed that she was inspired by Moony but when she heard this my little Egyptian friend snorted with laughter ). I sat down heavily in a what I assumed was just a really horrible armchair until Moony began waving her hands in the air. "That's me throne old girl its 3000 years and counting. Worth a bob at auction!!!!!" I jumped up looked at it and sighed , so just another bit of hideous ancient tat I thought. Moony suggested that I sit in one of her shocking Pink marabou armchairs. I disappeared amid a sea of feathers .You could just about see me I suspect as Moony carried right on talking "And over here we have A rather tasteful bust of my good self in pink marble crafted by an artist friend of mine . He had lovely strong arms!" A look came over her that would have made a mystic tremble. But she soon came to her senses and carried, on she talked whilst I considered the room that lay before me.
What did I think of her artistic skills, not much. A pink chandelier tinkled above our heads unfortunately casting light on the wall paintings, they are large and bright and full of people in little loincloths offering gifts to the Pharaoh. I would have said they were originals but even I know that Rolls Royce was not around in Moonys day. Her bed was covered in furs including those of what one might call imaginary animals the worlds only lavender leopard seems to have given up its life along side the powder blue ocelot, the hyacinth zebra, the pink tiger and a couple of tangerine mink. I felt a little woosy so I excused myself and hurried to my room where oddly you know I started to feel a little better. Brammy decorated my room and he did it so well dear boy. I must take him to the cinema soon to show him just how much Mummy appreciates him. I must go now and take an asprin ,thats odd I thought the workmen had finished...? One must not have collected his tools.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Moony and I are not terribly reassured by this poster...

When we were passing the local railway station this morning we spotted are merry conductor Sid pasting these up. Whilst these seem to be very friendly drug addicts I'm not convinced that they can do the job how shall we say to the high standards that one comes to expect. I mentioned this to Sid who looked utterly puzzled. But Moony and I were in a hurry, rumour had it that Dingbat, Wobble and Fryer had in some lovely new green and lapis lazuli Nylons and they are such a rare colours!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Shopping In Purple Sprouting......

As the cold has started to bite here Moony and I thought it high time that we popped into town to get kitted out for the winter . Well I decided and once I'd made up my mind I dragged Moony from her bed to join me she was terrible poor dear and kept dropping off in the car leaving nasty drool marks on my suede cushions . I'm much to polite to complain and mentioned neither this nor Moonys insistence on bringing Bunny. The shopping street in "Purple Sprouting" is quite lovely, lots of big Edwardian department stores. I knew we'd come to the right place as the windows were full of displays on Winter fashion. I thought it all quite charming but Moony had found a bottle of Gin in the glove compartment and was oblivious to her surroundings . I only realised this when I heard a thump behind me and turned to see Moony collapse out of the car door. After I had sorted her out and locked up the car with Bunny in it, we entered Roses department store. Moony sniffed the air but was disappointed that the faint smell of alcohol she could smell was only some mild punch in the Food hall. Still she knocked back five glasses of the stuff much to the surprise of the girl handing it out . I apologised for Moony and pushed her towards the lifts. The lifts at Roses are simply divine all upholstered in red silk and operated by a uniformed bell hops. Moony lowered the tone by trying to chat ours up and I was forced to stuff one of my gloves into her mouth when he wasn't looking. Women's fashions opened up before us a glittering mirage of fur coats and exquisite day dresses. I knew precisely what we were looking for even though Moony threw herself head first into a hatstand and stayed there making vaguely strange noises like a strangled and clinically insane parrot. I left her there I had her measurements and maybe when I came back she would be a little more sober....Maybe. First on my list was a nice warm day dress that I might wear at the Mayors winter fair where the W.I have a strong presence. Ohh every year we have our stall there selling our little Macaroons. I found a rather charming little green dirndl skirted dress with mountain flowers and edelweiss on the front and collars. I would have preferred Brussels Sprouts but there you go. And then some Green patent Mary-Janes and a lovely long midnight blue evening dress. An unusual colour for me I must admit. and then I heard a familiar voice from Women's nightwear. Only one person I know would be shouting "Do vous know ohh I ham !" I scurried towards the voice and found little Henny standing on a box, her face had gone a little red and her curls had gone stiff. Nell was trying to calm her down but she just wouldn't be silenced. Apparently they didn't think they would have anything short enough for her except for a cardigan. "Do vous zink zat ze Queen of England would goo too bod in jist a cadigan !!!!!?" I quickly took charge and dragged Henny up to Children's where she calmed down a little and picked out and armful in nighties still muttering from time to time that if she ran the world everyone would be shrunk to her size and it would all be much easier. Nell of course has a lot to buy in children's so we arranged to Meet up in the tea rooms afterwards. I went back to find Moony and a Fur coat. Ohh dear she seemed to have found one for herself, and quite a few other things besides. The coat she'd picked out was leopard and very big, not to my taste at all. It looked like she'd picked up a carpet and rolled herself in it. I shuddered to think what else she'd found and was only a fraction more horrified than I thought I'd be. A rather bizarre golden lurex two piece with bits of black marabou set my teeth on edge but she declared it "Lovely darling! A real bit of class!" I suppose that's what she'd also say about the gold fishnets she'd produced from God knows where. Something Shocking pink also peeked out from under her arm it shimmered and slivered a bit and then she unfolded it." I didn't know you were going to be on Strictly Come Dancing?" Was all I could say , she glared at me but brightened when I said Henny and Nell were waiting for us in the tearooms. She's rather fond of one of the waiters up there even though he scarpers whenever he sees her coming. So we made our way up. There are such magnificent views from the tearooms. We couldn't miss little Hen as she was standing on her chair gesturing wildly as she told Nell an anecdote about Big Charlies childhood "And of coss nezer of uz knew ohh he looked likee for sue looong." Nell giggled " Like a stewed pudding pet. You didn't ave any of them in your family?" "Non mon cher ami!!! I aze zee finnn family zee date all ze way back too..." "The first murderous bastard got lucky!!!!" Nells got a laugh on her.
Henny looked a little peeved but she has such social graces and kindly invited us to sit down. we passed a pleasant hour chatting amidst the floral arrangements and light music provided by an elderly old dear on the piano. Her feather headpiece slipped over one eye every now and then and the key changed awkwardly whilst she adjusted it. And then I remembered Bunny we'd left him in the car. We had to excuse our self of course I may have my qualms with Bunny but I don't wish him dead. Anyway Bunny was alright if a little Miffed and we made it home to Cutting sprout in time for dinner I didn't feel like cooking so we had fish & chips by the fire. I have included a picture of us in our new outfits.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Mrs Nitos Book Meme

Note the powerful effect that a good book can have on me fortunately prior to his disappearance Woger was always there to catch me and offer smelling salts.
Hardcover or Softcover? Hmm hardcover dears. Somehow I just seem to mangle softcovers' so easily.... And I accidentally baked one once so now I stick to hardcover which Moony likes as she claims they look posh on the shelves.

If I were to own a bookshop it would be called? Sprouting Books.

Favourite book Quote? "Frankly My dear, I don't have a dam" From "Groans with the wind" A saga about unsafe building techniques,romance and a family of Beavers.

The Author you would most like to have lunch with? Am I cooking or are they? Ohh I'll say Charlie though I can't pronounce the title of his book...

The book you would take to a desert Island? "How to escape from a Desert Island" Of course.

I would love to invent a book gadget that? Identified the ones your most likely to enjoy in a bookshop, like a dog that fetches your papers for you but probably much more intelligent than Bunny and robotic. I'd program it to find all the books with reference to sprouts. As when I ask the young man at our local bookshop if they have any on sprouts he gives me such an odd look.

The smell of old books reminds me of? Days spent up in the attic sifting through boxes of forgotten tomes. Moony can't find me and whilst she bangs about downstairs cursing and looking for Gin I curl up with a nice old tome and one of our nice old cats on one of Moonys moth eaten old leopard fur rugs. I can get lost in a good book for hours. I can get lost for hours but that's another story.....

If I could be a lead character in a book? Cithy in "Withering Sprouts". Not that I think Scrubprecipice is all that sane but what he really needs up on those dark barren moors all the time (depressed non) is a nice woman who can tell him to stop strangling hogs to get a girls attention. I could put him right about that, especially if he looked like that Rupert Everett. And living around here there is nothing on the moors more terrifying than our own world famous beast

The most over estimated book of all time? "The Autobiography of an Egyptian Beauty " by Mrs T.A.K Moony The authors name is oddly familiar now I think of it. Anyway talk about self adoration and if the photos are anything to go by she needs a lot of air brushing to make her beautiful..... Ohh dear I've just remembered where I've seen that name before.

I hate it when a book is? Written by Mr Misery.