Rehearsals for the Christmas play.

Despite the multitude of faiths and belief in our village it was unanimously decided by little Tommy's mother that as her baby was the cutest ever born we'd put on the nativity this year.The assembled villagers were mostly nodding off so no-one complained. The Vicar seemed pleased but his idea that we should modernise by dressing Mary as a Latin-American dancer did not go down well except with Moony who wanted the part. Little Tommy's mother made cakes all iced perfectly and swore that her little Cynthia had made the astonishing paper angel that hangs over the stage . That child screams when she sees glue so I doubt it .My Bramwell is making the costumes for the Kings. Even Harlot Harley was generous to concede the role of Mary to our new villager. We chose Mr Ahmed from the antique shop to be Joseph .I am going to be a shepherd as is Moony . Mr Dingbat will play the Innkeeper and Mrs Wobble the Innkeeper's wife.At our first rehearsal poor Mary found herself talking to Joseph's knees . We have now constructed a little remote control stagelet to move her on .Tommy's mother Helen insisted she'd given up a career as an interior decorator for her children so would design the sets. Her brief sketches are a little worrying as it would cost 25,000s just for the stable which looks like a tart's boudoir. The vicar did try to impress on her that a simple stable should not have wall-paper hand embossed by Jane Churchill. Tommy will be wearing Rachel Riley that seems a little out of keeping with the times ."Mary "screamed and raged in French when she saw the designs .Mr Ahmed had lived in Algeria so told us she called Helen a heretic and a mad-woman amongst other things. I never expected Mr. Misery to go onside with Henny but he called the whole thing a nest of Satan's vipers and stormed out tearing Helen's wallpaper as he went.The glueing is going quite well except for the ciggy burns Moony keeps making. Helen is now distraught that the shepherd's costumes don't all match ..frankly I have never seen spotted Shepherd's outfits but if she must. Her poor husband looked awful as he tried to persuade her not to sue Mr Misery as he lives in adject poverty ( well he loves it that way ..I gave him a cushion and he flung it at me) . Dear Luzbal turned up at the last minute in his hideous sports car and split his lovely red satin trousers laughing ,Moony went off to help him mend them. I went home with the most awful headache. As I passed Helen's house the light was on and they were eating fish and chips yet she swears she cooks cuisine for every meal ,rises before dawn to made breakfast bread ..ah well.