Sunday, April 01, 2007

Zery interezting

Velcome into my zurgery, put your hat on ze coffee table (unlezz ze cause the terrible memoriez zor you) and zit down. I Dr M. Wittlesbach am von of Englanz leading psychoanalysts vich is not zaying much if you know ze British. Today however I find myzelf breaking Dr & Patient confidentiality. I know itz not my ztyle but I zpent much of ziz morning with a very damaged young man by ze name of Jamez. If he needed to talk to me zhen I need to talk to you zery much about him. James zuffers from a guilt complex zat whilst I understand its root puzzeled me, his main obzzessions zeem to be with ze zelf harming and vith ze togaz. All ze better if he can zelf harm vhilst vearing ze togaz. I didnt know vhat to zay zo I did aZ my professor taught me. I vent "Ahhh haaa Ummm Hummm ja, ja I zee." And "how did ziz impact on your relationzhipz" To vhich Jamez told me zat he was oddly drawn to ugly women, and showed me some pictures of his wifes and misstresses I could ze vat he meant I had never before zeen zuch vomen. Hiz first vife and I am not being petty veminded me of my goldfish at home vith whome I have a zery cloze and loveing relationzhip vhich I do not vish to talk about in front of company. I asked him if he thought such vomen ver a punishment for zoom zin vhich he had commited unvittingly. He began to cry about hiz father, a cause of much un-happiness amongst my patients I find and zezpected and Oedipus complex until he told me zat hiz father had been beheaded and he held himzelf rezponzible. I azked if ziz had been ze traffic accident and he replied zat it vas ze hairdresser Mr Cromwell whom he held responsible. I zondered vat kind of haircut it vas!! I never got to ze root of hiz problems I don't zhink anyvon could...

2 comments:

Marianne said...

Aye, ye've your work cut out for ye with young James....I especially liked the little play with words...hair cut...roots...

Now, fine Doctor, about this goldfish of yours.....? Do tell.
Ahem, your relationship with this Goldfish....it's not, er, illegal is it?

Holly Bernice Cox said...

Vell my dear , not in ze strcktizt zense ,it iz platonik but I ave nefer lofed anyvon as much.