A Merry Christmas my dear, as we pull our crackers and sip our Mulled wine were all thinking of you. So I thought that I'd include this Photo of Cutting Sprout at Christmas. I'll be back once the Christmas mayhem subdues itself to tell you how we got on this year but for now I think we may have carolers at the so toddle pip.... Ding Dong verily the sky is riven with angels singing......Glooooria

somewhere over the rainbow....

Feeling full of the spirit of Christmas this week Moony and I decided that our rather unusual family deserved a little treat before it all became a little bit too hectic round at our charming little abode. So it seemed heaven sent when I spotted an advertisement for a screening of "The Wizard of Oz" at Cutting Sprouts' very lovely little cinema, The Cutting Empire. I rang at once and had a lovely little chat with Miss Robins who works at the ticket office. She and I went to school together and what lovely anecdotes we have to share, about the old days and local gossip of course..... Anyway this particular film has always been one of my little Bramwell's Favourite films (I remember when we first took him to see it, he carried around that little toy dog for days), I was sure too that we could easily take along Neff and Arknatun, maybe even Henny and Charlie? I'm not sure why I was quite so optimistic, I really can't imagine what I must have been thinking. Taking Neff out is always a nightmare as you might be able to imagine. My that woman can complain, "It was never like this when I was Queen of Egypt", "I'll have you know young man that I am a Goddess!". Ohhh well I had every hope in the world that it would all go well, and so bright and early on Saturday morning I warmed up the car, locked Bunny in the basement (its for the best and it saves the sofa cushions) and propped Moony on the backseat in as merry a Christmas posture as possible under the circumstances (i.e she was asleep). At least Bramwell was happy to see me, dressed in a fetching blue gingham suit he had made himself. But when we got to Neff, ohh my I was in for a struggle, admittedly she was sitting on a deckchair on the lawn with her handbag next to the topiary version of herself. But her face was foul (well fouler than usual) and she was still wearing her fluffy pink marabou slippers. She got up with a martyred air and flung open the back seat door. She got in with a groan and announced rather harshly "I've seen it, it's a dreadful film." I saw Bramwells eyes narrow and decide that now was the time for us all to enjoy a little Christmas singalong, I burst into a round of "Jingle Bells" and everyone but Neff joined in. Even darling Moony, though she was rather out of tune as a result of all the gin she likes to imbibe. But Neff just sat there, looking out of the window with that awful superior air, so we thought we had better go and get Moonys darling father. He and Neff separated, Ark as he likes to be called is just as mad as his charming lady wife, but he likes a spot of gardening and we all adore him. He was the one she looked to when she wanted a topiary garden of her. We found him in his kitchen whipping up a batch of his own popcorn (he is awfully strange like that). In the fridge was enough homemade confectionery to see us all the way through the film. Neff snorted with derision and muttered "Hummm He never was any use unless you wanted a

plate of pancakes......" We decided to take no notice of her. After all we usually do. Hen and Charles were waiting outside the cinema. Which was a relief and Henny helped me to drag Moony out of the car and into the lobby where she engaged a cardboard cut out of Cary Grant in a heated discussion about how to make the perfect Martini. Keeping her busy for long enough for me to buy the popcorn and get our tickets clipped. We settled down in our seats to endure Mrs Barncombe's organ playing until the adverts when she descended halfway through her own version of "There will be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover" looking not a little flustered and annoyed. We sat through Pearl and Deans offerings (what a dull couple they must be) and then as the rating flared up I felt something fluffy and odd land on my lap. I almost screamed but just in time I looked down and realised that it was little Muffy. Now dogs are not allowed in the cinema but I know she's always been a bit of a film buff so we often sneak her in (also she adores popcorn). I carry a little headscarf and some sunglasses to disguise her with (when she wears them she looks just like Grace Kelly). Pretty quickly into the film Neff began to snore and Bramwell gave her that little look of his. It must have worried Moony as she stuffed a pair of old tights from her handbag (I do not know why she carries some of the things she does) into Neffs mouth... The snoring stopped but I hoped that no one would look to closely at our little gathering. The film was a sucsess for an outing of ours which is a surprise. Bramwell was crying when we got up to leave you know. Hes so sensitive.... Poor Lamb

The children of cutting sprout take santa very seriously.

Their dogged determination to make the last post gives us all cause to be cautious when we step outside. Try to post your milk cheque at your own risk my dears, I still bear the scars from my one foolish attempt to do so...... But aah bless them, meanwhile Mr Dingbat is fattening up to play a very famous festive visitor, just don't tell them that......

We wish you a merry christmas

We Wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year........

Hallooo It's me King Charles and my lovely wife Henny(Oui C'est moi).

Piano at the vicarage

Mrs Mooney does enjoy a rectial and polishing the piano.

How to fill the villagers stockings.......

Moony and I mulled over our Christmas present options this weekend outside CuttingSprouts lovely little bistro (a rather charming and chic little place with what dear Moony calls "Such darling waiters!!!"), looking at this picture I'm even less convinced than I was at the time that Mrs Moony was drinking coffee. If she was then why might I ask did she need a soda siphon? Anyway my dears I scribbled and Moony suggested. Now I dare say that she has her reasons for suggesting some of these things but I don't even dare to type their names, why might I ask would the vicar need to keep that particular part of his anatomy so warm? I had to dismiss so many of her ideas, but in the end we got down to a perfect list. And the vicar will be getting socks, you'll be glad to know (genuinely black none of this very dark blue they fob you of with). And once I'd downed my third cup of coffee Moony tipped the waiter heavily "Never try to drink water backwards, better to light a candle than curse the darkness, if you want to peel a boiled egg dip it in cold water" we left, leaving the waiter edified but looking just a wee bit mystified. We popped into Dingbat, Wobble and Fryers emporium where the gaily decorated Christmas tables are set out (its the staff their getting these days). In the window a large papier-mache Santa clause with untrustworthy eyes stared deep into the souls of a throng of elves who were skipping in the fake snow with their gaudy as a tarts boudoir Christmas gifts. A sight to warm the cockles of your heart, provided that your completely unhinged. We made our way to a hastily constructed department called "Gift Ideas" Humm, once you've got one games compendium haven't you rather got them all? We asked one of the assistants for help with Bramwells gift, he seemed to know him rather well, apparently they both frequent the "Ruby Slippers" not a pub I can say I've ever been too but it all sounds very Gay when Brammy describes it to me.... He pointed us right to the perfect gift. All beads and sequins half price and swore that even if they met again he wouldn't tell. Moony sulked which is strange when shes around a handsome young man she usually flirts horrendously when I asked her about this she sniffed and muttered "Not much point old girl, coals to Newcastle and the like" I wonder what she meant. I decided to cheer her up by finding her a little something....

If that Rupert Everett thinks his lineage is good look at this .

Horus name
Kanakht Tutmesut -The strong bull, pleasing of birth


Nebti name
Neferhepusegerehtawy Wer-Ah-Amun Neb-r-Djer -One of perfect laws, who pacifies the two lands; Great of the palace of Amun; Lord of all[4]


Golden Horus name
Wetjeskhausehetepnetjeru Heqa-maat-sehetep-netjeru Wetjes-khau-itef-Re Wetjes-khau-Tjestawy-Im -Who wears crowns and pleases the gods; Ruler of Truth, who pleases the gods; Who wears the crowns of his father, Re; Who wears crowns, and binds the two lands therein
Prenomen


Nebkheperure -Lord of the forms of Re
Son of Re
Tutankhamun Hekaiunushema -Living Image of Amun, ruler of Upper Heliopolis

Mrs Mooney.

Ohh dear.....

Now let me say this without to much alarm to my readers, I have always been a little unnerved when I pop into our doctors surgery and see the little sign on his door "Dr De'ath will see you now" but when I saw this poster on his Way I was even more unnerved. How might one ask did a carrot get into medical school what practical use would it be as a doctor. This one appears to have arms and legs, not to mention eyes,nose and mouth so I suppose it would be rather better disposed than an average carrot on the other hand it must have been grown near sellafield in order to develop these attributes which does not umm......bode well.

one

Cutting Sprout in autumn.

As you know from reading this my correspondence with you, we at Cutting Sprout have been preparing for our harvest festival. Always a cause of great celebration in this little corner of the world where on the fringes of Cutting Sprout as I have doubtless told you before sweet little farms abound. I of course look forward to the Brussels sprout harvest, Moony woke me up only last weekend to ask me when the Gin bottle harvest is. Bless the poor lass I didn't know how to explain it to her so I told her to nip down to the kitchen and make herself some Gin and Cornflakes whilst I got a few more winks of sleep. But once she was gone I lay there and had a little think, what might people with a less discerning pallet than myself might bring along for the Vicars lovely harvest table all decorations for the church being provided by the lovely Mrs Pine-Coffin. I'm afraid they were rather messed with by some other pretentious and bossy villagers whose names I will not divulge here....But don't they think they're the cats pyjamas? I contributed a little wreath of Brussels sprouts and cornflowers. That I suspect caused ohh...Just a little pang of jealousy in the aforementioned villager ( oh okay a certain Mrs Barnstorm and her cronies).... Well as the nights got darker we brushed of our nice warm outfits (unless of course our name was Bagshott-Smyth, more from her later) and little village children went around singing "All things bright and beautiful" and "We plough the fields and scatter" until Moony remarked that they shouldn't encourage illegal land ploughing. I asked her how the little poppets might be doing this (I was at the time sowing an ear of corn suit for one of the local nursery class so that he could pop up on stage and deliver his line "I 'v grown"). Well she said "If they were ploughing those fields legally then they wouldn't have to scatter would they?" Again I didn't feel qualified to explain so I sent her across the road for "a cup of something or other" Her eyes lit up and she scurried across the road with a tumbler. I breathed a sigh of relief and got back to my sewing machine which stuck on automatic had put an unusual pattern into a tomato costume and I had to unpick some of the worst bits. I'll say its one of those things where something gets scorched into it by the greenhouse. Moony didn't come back for a while, she'd been very much enjoying Henny and Charlie's drinks cupboard. I really hadn't meant a cup of whisky but that is what she brought back. Never Mind. We pottered along to the service on Sunday, me with a basket of garden produce and Moony with a tin of Jolly Green Giant sweetcorn which she insisted was harvest produce, just as she had the year before with a pack of sage and onion flavoured gravy. I try to say as little as possible on these occasions. It was charming, and my costumes turned out to be "rather sweet in a surreal way" as the vicar put it. And only a little misshapen. When we left the church we found little notes attached to the trees leading us to the woods, we looked at each other intrigued and then as one we followed the arrows.

Guess what we found yes Mrs Bagshott-Smyth and her women's group, a lot of very alcoholic punch and some wooden toad stools large enough to sit on. The punch helped I must say to enable us to better interpret Mrs Bagshott-Smyths "Dance of the Autumn sprites welcoming the Winter". I must say that they were graceful, bizarre and in the spirit of cutting sprout totally un-put off by the start of an early frost. But I snuck of home before anyone could ask my opinion. Call me a diplomat my dears, Henny did when she caught up with me. The two of us made our way home via every conker in the woods (Henny cant help herself picking them up and her pockets were bulging.) We talked about our families as we walked and we hummed and I imagine that the unknowing observer might have mistaken us for darling Pooh and Piglet.

The W.I and the Harvest Festival

Hello my dears, I have just slipped out of the kitchen where things have been popping, bubbling and squeaking. I can hear something exploding out of its saucepan as I write this little note but I don’t dare look. Ahh dear Moony has just gone off to battle it back in… “Have Courage dear, use the broom if need be, remember it’s only a suet pudding….Its done what?! Hang on there dear I’ll be with you in a moment, I’m sorry dear reader I must just go and help poor Moony extricate herself to think she only went in their for a cup of tea…….”

Well dears I’m back, goodness me! The reason for all this baking and I know you’ve all been wondering is the upcoming W.I and very important this... The Harvest Festival. We all love a good knee’s up at Cutting Sprout, even the vicars been rather excited. As for Mrs Bagshott-Smyth she’s been putting together a little show to represent the oneness of all seasons and the primal feelings of the harvest, whatever that may mean. One sees her and her friends trudging off to the woods in the most inappropriate garb for the season, little chiffon fairy dresses and Crepe paper crowns. I tell you dears it’s rather a sight, last night as I was passing her house on my way back from the town hall meeting I took a little peak through the windows and saw them constructing a rather large set of papier mache vegetables. Mrs Bagshott-Smyth was painting a rather oddly coloured carrot. I stopped looking and hurried on, further down the road I passed Ida and Mary’s cottage come faith healing practice. They were sitting on the lawn with a pot of herbal tea debating whether if we are all dead as some people think there can be messages from the other side and if there are which other side they might be coming from. Mary was putting the finishing touches to a corn dolly that looked rather as if it wanted finishing off. It had a few little friends who sat whimsically around the teapot not looking all that out of place on Ida’s tea table. They invited me to sit with them which I did, Moony was out at the Full Moon and Lunatic and Brammy had popped into town to see a play, Blithe Spirit as it happens. Ida poured me cup of tea from herbs that she had grown herself. I could tell, it tasted weak and a little strange but it was very relaxing I have to confess. Mary asked me vaguely if I had made anything for the Harvest festival and then informed me that the harvest moon was very conducive to messages from the other side, which ever one it turned out to be. I suddenly remembered that apart from some jam and cordial I had laid down in July I really hadn’t made anything special. I assured the girls that I would be back to see if they could contact Woger, they looked at each other very oddly. I’m sure that Mary was biting her lip rather hard, I wonder why? I excused myself and made a quick run down to the village stores, returning laden with the makings of the pies, puddings and conserves with which I planned to impress the W.I. Well that was the plan at the time but as you will have noticed since then my baking all seems to have gotten a little haywire. Still I should imagine it’s still going to be twice the pudding that Harlot Harley will have mustered up.
(I am including this picture of one of my little successes. Pickled Sprouts! You'll never belive how many iv'e managed to make and I dare say that they'll go down a treat!)

I can hear Moony wrestling the strange thing into a tin now……. “Well dear if you cant find one big enough wrap it in greaseproof paper and pop it in the larder….Ohh it wont fit, well wrap it up anyhow dear….You think you can get it into the cellar well be careful those stairs haven’t been looked at in a fair few years.... Ohh dear right ladies and gentlmen I really must go now. Toddle Pip!!"

Moony has been redecorating her room.....

Workmen have been going in and out and I hear them puffing and panting at all hours. Finally it seems that Moony was ready to unveil her new decor to Me I know Moony very well and I shuddered to think. It was bound to clash with my charming, carefully chosen sprigged wallpaper and fluffy green carpets. The door creaked open to reveal what I can only describe as a recently unearthed tomb crossed with a harem, and then re-decorated by a certain romantic novelist who wore pink (she claimed that she was inspired by Moony but when she heard this my little Egyptian friend snorted with laughter ). I sat down heavily in a what I assumed was just a really horrible armchair until Moony began waving her hands in the air. "That's me throne old girl its 3000 years and counting. Worth a bob at auction!!!!!" I jumped up looked at it and sighed , so just another bit of hideous ancient tat I thought. Moony suggested that I sit in one of her shocking Pink marabou armchairs. I disappeared amid a sea of feathers .You could just about see me I suspect as Moony carried right on talking "And over here we have A rather tasteful bust of my good self in pink marble crafted by an artist friend of mine . He had lovely strong arms!" A look came over her that would have made a mystic tremble. But she soon came to her senses and carried, on she talked whilst I considered the room that lay before me.

What did I think of her artistic skills, not much. A pink chandelier tinkled above our heads unfortunately casting light on the wall paintings, they are large and bright and full of people in little loincloths offering gifts to the Pharaoh. I would have said they were originals but even I know that Rolls Royce was not around in Moonys day. Her bed was covered in furs including those of what one might call imaginary animals the worlds only lavender leopard seems to have given up its life along side the powder blue ocelot, the hyacinth zebra, the pink tiger and a couple of tangerine mink. I felt a little woosy so I excused myself and hurried to my room where oddly you know I started to feel a little better. Brammy decorated my room and he did it so well dear boy. I must take him to the cinema soon to show him just how much Mummy appreciates him. I must go now and take an asprin ,thats odd I thought the workmen had finished...? One must not have collected his tools.

Moony and I are not terribly reassured by this poster...

When we were passing the local railway station this morning we spotted are merry conductor Sid pasting these up. Whilst these seem to be very friendly drug addicts I'm not convinced that they can do the job how shall we say to the high standards that one comes to expect. I mentioned this to Sid who looked utterly puzzled. But Moony and I were in a hurry, rumour had it that Dingbat, Wobble and Fryer had in some lovely new green and lapis lazuli Nylons and they are such a rare colours!

Shopping In Purple Sprouting......

As the cold has started to bite here Moony and I thought it high time that we popped into town to get kitted out for the winter . Well I decided and once I'd made up my mind I dragged Moony from her bed to join me she was terrible poor dear and kept dropping off in the car leaving nasty drool marks on my suede cushions . I'm much to polite to complain and mentioned neither this nor Moonys insistence on bringing Bunny. The shopping street in "Purple Sprouting" is quite lovely, lots of big Edwardian department stores. I knew we'd come to the right place as the windows were full of displays on Winter fashion. I thought it all quite charming but Moony had found a bottle of Gin in the glove compartment and was oblivious to her surroundings . I only realised this when I heard a thump behind me and turned to see Moony collapse out of the car door. After I had sorted her out and locked up the car with Bunny in it, we entered Roses department store. Moony sniffed the air but was disappointed that the faint smell of alcohol she could smell was only some mild punch in the Food hall. Still she knocked back five glasses of the stuff much to the surprise of the girl handing it out . I apologised for Moony and pushed her towards the lifts. The lifts at Roses are simply divine all upholstered in red silk and operated by a uniformed bell hops. Moony lowered the tone by trying to chat ours up and I was forced to stuff one of my gloves into her mouth when he wasn't looking. Women's fashions opened up before us a glittering mirage of fur coats and exquisite day dresses. I knew precisely what we were looking for even though Moony threw herself head first into a hatstand and stayed there making vaguely strange noises like a strangled and clinically insane parrot. I left her there I had her measurements and maybe when I came back she would be a little more sober....Maybe. First on my list was a nice warm day dress that I might wear at the Mayors winter fair where the W.I have a strong presence. Ohh every year we have our stall there selling our little Macaroons. I found a rather charming little green dirndl skirted dress with mountain flowers and edelweiss on the front and collars. I would have preferred Brussels Sprouts but there you go. And then some Green patent Mary-Janes and a lovely long midnight blue evening dress. An unusual colour for me I must admit. and then I heard a familiar voice from Women's nightwear. Only one person I know would be shouting "Do vous know ohh I ham !" I scurried towards the voice and found little Henny standing on a box, her face had gone a little red and her curls had gone stiff. Nell was trying to calm her down but she just wouldn't be silenced. Apparently they didn't think they would have anything short enough for her except for a cardigan. "Do vous zink zat ze Queen of England would goo too bod in jist a cadigan !!!!!?" I quickly took charge and dragged Henny up to Children's where she calmed down a little and picked out and armful in nighties still muttering from time to time that if she ran the world everyone would be shrunk to her size and it would all be much easier. Nell of course has a lot to buy in children's so we arranged to Meet up in the tea rooms afterwards. I went back to find Moony and a Fur coat. Ohh dear she seemed to have found one for herself, and quite a few other things besides. The coat she'd picked out was leopard and very big, not to my taste at all. It looked like she'd picked up a carpet and rolled herself in it. I shuddered to think what else she'd found and was only a fraction more horrified than I thought I'd be. A rather bizarre golden lurex two piece with bits of black marabou set my teeth on edge but she declared it "Lovely darling! A real bit of class!" I suppose that's what she'd also say about the gold fishnets she'd produced from God knows where. Something Shocking pink also peeked out from under her arm it shimmered and slivered a bit and then she unfolded it." I didn't know you were going to be on Strictly Come Dancing?" Was all I could say , she glared at me but brightened when I said Henny and Nell were waiting for us in the tearooms. She's rather fond of one of the waiters up there even though he scarpers whenever he sees her coming. So we made our way up. There are such magnificent views from the tearooms. We couldn't miss little Hen as she was standing on her chair gesturing wildly as she told Nell an anecdote about Big Charlies childhood "And of coss nezer of uz knew ohh he looked likee for sue looong." Nell giggled " Like a stewed pudding pet. You didn't ave any of them in your family?" "Non mon cher ami!!! I aze zee finnn family zee date all ze way back too..." "The first murderous bastard got lucky!!!!" Nells got a laugh on her.
Henny looked a little peeved but she has such social graces and kindly invited us to sit down. we passed a pleasant hour chatting amidst the floral arrangements and light music provided by an elderly old dear on the piano. Her feather headpiece slipped over one eye every now and then and the key changed awkwardly whilst she adjusted it. And then I remembered Bunny we'd left him in the car. We had to excuse our self of course I may have my qualms with Bunny but I don't wish him dead. Anyway Bunny was alright if a little Miffed and we made it home to Cutting sprout in time for dinner I didn't feel like cooking so we had fish & chips by the fire. I have included a picture of us in our new outfits.

Mrs Nitos Book Meme

Note the powerful effect that a good book can have on me fortunately prior to his disappearance Woger was always there to catch me and offer smelling salts.

Hardcover or Softcover? Hmm hardcover dears. Somehow I just seem to mangle softcovers' so easily.... And I accidentally baked one once so now I stick to hardcover which Moony likes as she claims they look posh on the shelves.

If I were to own a bookshop it would be called? Sprouting Books.

Favourite book Quote? "Frankly My dear, I don't have a dam" From "Groans with the wind" A saga about unsafe building techniques,romance and a family of Beavers.

The Author you would most like to have lunch with? Am I cooking or are they? Ohh I'll say Charlie though I can't pronounce the title of his book...

The book you would take to a desert Island? "How to escape from a Desert Island" Of course.

I would love to invent a book gadget that? Identified the ones your most likely to enjoy in a bookshop, like a dog that fetches your papers for you but probably much more intelligent than Bunny and robotic. I'd program it to find all the books with reference to sprouts. As when I ask the young man at our local bookshop if they have any on sprouts he gives me such an odd look.

The smell of old books reminds me of? Days spent up in the attic sifting through boxes of forgotten tomes. Moony can't find me and whilst she bangs about downstairs cursing and looking for Gin I curl up with a nice old tome and one of our nice old cats on one of Moonys moth eaten old leopard fur rugs. I can get lost in a good book for hours. I can get lost for hours but that's another story.....

If I could be a lead character in a book? Cithy in "Withering Sprouts". Not that I think Scrubprecipice is all that sane but what he really needs up on those dark barren moors all the time (depressed non) is a nice woman who can tell him to stop strangling hogs to get a girls attention. I could put him right about that, especially if he looked like that Rupert Everett. And living around here there is nothing on the moors more terrifying than our own world famous beast

The most over estimated book of all time? "The Autobiography of an Egyptian Beauty " by Mrs T.A.K Moony The authors name is oddly familiar now I think of it. Anyway talk about self adoration and if the photos are anything to go by she needs a lot of air brushing to make her beautiful..... Ohh dear I've just remembered where I've seen that name before.

I hate it when a book is? Written by Mr Misery.

Wet Sunday in the guesthouse in more ways than one ...

As it was tipping with rain when we woke Mooney summoned the boy who does errands and sent him off for the paper and ( alas) her cigarettes . I had a long soak in the bath and clipped my toenails whilst listening to the news from Cutting Sprout . The voice of our dear Henny read the news . It seems Mrs Bagshott-smyth has pulled her muscles and is thinking of taking a break in "Artichoke Villas" ..oh horrors.!We went down for a light breakfast , Mooney had bacon , eggs , fried bread, sausages, and cereal with a large gin. I had toast and marmalade . On the way back up to our room we heard a bellow "fine day for a game eh ladies , how's about it?" . Mooney groaned as it was the Major ( a terrible old bore who rattles on about his military days and hunting ) .We felt obliged to play at least one game of bridge which I can't understand at all . I kept feeling a large slipper playing footsie under the table . The Major winked at me several times so I told him about Woger and how he'd be back soon . Moony whispered to me that we should escape when he went to powder his nose ( it's bulbous and red from a life of whiskey drinking). We grabbed our raincoats and umbrellas. As we stepped under the porch Mooney was half drowned as the gutter cleared . The swearing was frightful. We walked along the prom. to some shelter near the cliffs where we watched several men rolling what appeared to be barrels along the sand off round the back of the caves , must be a local tradition. As dinner time came we bought some fish and chips and ate as we watched the goings on with barrels .As evening fell we strolled home chilled and tired only to be stopped by a Policeman asking if we'd seen anything suspicious . Moony said "how could we tell we come from Cutting Sprout?" . How we laughed as we drank our cocoa in bed and listened to Charlie's "Easy Listening" music show .

Moony and Nitos Seaside Diary

Day One
We arrived at Artichoke Villas, landlord and Landlady had our room ready but Moony swears that she caught her giving a suspicious sideways glance and muttering to her husband. She even swears she heard the words “old dear” and “rich”. Our room looks over the sea and the pier is in view which means we have our black out curtains up. The light from various seaside entertainments keeps us awake, we like to tuck in about nine or ten after the tea dances (Well I do).

Day Two
Down to breakfast promptly at seven, Moonys’ order of fried locust on toast caused mutterings amongst our fellow guests. I had to bring my own sprout jam as they never get it quite right. We then donned our sun hats and swim suits, packed our picnic basket and made our way to the beach. We had arranged to meet Charles and Henny there; they were on a day trip. Sadly they had neglected to tell us they would be bringing along the grandchildren. By the time we got there they were already covered in sand, plucking creatures from rock pools and hiding them in grandmas’ handbag (she got quite a few surprises). All we wanted was a few cocktails at the Sea View Hotel and some time to unwind under the sun with a good book.
We acted delighted to see them all of course, and things didn’t start too badly. Sadly embarrassment was to follow, the little ones expressed a desire for some rock and Moony (unusually for her) offered to take them to get some. I went back to my book “Where The Heart Leads” - but just as I was nearing the moment when we would discover if the heroine would find love with the gifted eye surgeon who was also a fantastically rich Texas oil baron after she had recovered her memory and realised that the man who called himself her brother was actually a communist spy who was looking for microfilm in her handbag - I heard wailing and screaming from the children. They ran to Gran and Grandpa carrying... beach rocks. I had to make a special trip up to the pier to buy three enormous sugar dummies. And I almost stopped talking to Moony completely.
As the little ones sucked happily away and built sand castles (each one a replica of one of Grandpas palaces), Granny went for a swim. Henny had kitted herself out in a Victorian bathing suit, still it was less glaring than Charlie’s knitted tartan trunks a gift from (no prizes for guessing ) Mary Queen Of Scots . Soon little arms waved in the air and shouts of “Aide moi!” Charlie who had his binoculars out, supposedly looking for shipping (ohh yes, those girls wouldn’t know shipping if it hit them about their poodle hair-dos) shouted “She’s drowning!” and rushed into the water, dragging Henny to dry land. Her bloomers had filled with water and dragged her down; she was hysterical wailing “No Queen of England ever drowned!” .
Charlie and the kids’ got the water out of her and Charlie soon decided that it was time to go home before another accident could happen. After they had gone we treated ourselves to a hard earned Cocktail and watched the sun go down and the pier lights come on before we returned to our hotel for a very good nights sleep.

Pub Quiz night

Friday night is pub quiz night at the "Full Moon and Lunatic" and Moony and I always turn out. One day we hope to return with the prize Money, but until then its just a cracking good way to spend a Friday Evening. Our team the W.I ladies are fairly good and we take it all very seriously, Bramwell designed us a team uniform; its a fetching outfit consisting of fluffy purple jumper, pleated green skirt and little beret. Henny has also taken to bringing cheerleaders pom poms with her and really whipping up team spirit with her routines. We drive them all down and Mrs Pine-Coffin makes the sandwiches. Tonight as I fastened on my hat Mrs Bagshott-Smyth came banging in still dressed in one of her less than fetching pairs of footless tights and drooping leg warmers with some bits of twig hanging from her ponytail. After a few over theatrical stretching exercises which she calls the "Oshhhha ahh" and I call the "Ohh is that my back going" she produced from behind her back something that looked like a badly stuffed pair of tights fighting with a Guy Fawkes doll whilst he burst into merry flames atop the bonfire. "I have designed... A new MASCOT for our team. It was inspired by a ..." She paused, pulled herself up to her full height, stuck out her chest and fixed her eyes on something in the middle distance. "A Woodsprite!". Moony snorted loudly and got the hoover out as the creature was shedding glitter and leaves all over the carpet. I put on my glasses to look at it and was even more horrified. No one would get in the car with it so it had to be strapped to the roof and a shower of debris followed us to the pub. We passed Mr Dingbat walking his dog and as his eyes were drawn to the roof rack I saw a silent scream escape his lips. I knew how he felt. A crowd gathered to watch as we tried to wrestle it down and Mrs Bagshott-Smyth looked daggers at Henny as one of its arm type things came away in her hand, but we rammed it back on with some of Nells chewing gum and it held better than the rest of the thing. The pub landlord insisted that we leave it in the beer garden as he didn't want it putting of customers. He supposed that in the twilight and with a beer in its hand it might pass as one of his more eccentric regulars and not draw suspicion. We had a wonderful time, and much to our surprise and my pride at the end of the evening Bramwell as captain of his team ( The Ruby Slippers) lifted the cup and the prize money and brought us all one last round.
Late that night as Moony and I listened to the local news in bed, on our transistor radio the announcer suddenly became very serious. "Reports just in that the Beast from the Moors was spotted having a leisurely Beer outside "The Full Moon and Lunatic" Some reports even suggest that a pack of crisps were involved. All a far cry from its sheep snatching antics....! Ohh dear We'd better not say anything.

Mrs Mooney try here...

http://www.angelfire.com/realm/gotha/j1/j1_1.txt

The Truth will out.

Hello Dears Ida Batwing HereI feel awful about keeping the awful truth from Mrs Nito. I saw Woger as large as life right there buying stripy jimjams; I know it would shatter her heart. But I suspect that Mrs Moony of some awful duplicity. I consulted the runes about my dilemma and they spelt out to me….They spelt out …Ida you must seek the truth. So I’m off to Harlot Harley's house. And I hope she has a very convincing explanation. Maybe he was a messenger from the other side or a dream… Ohh I hope my psychic dreams are coming back. I found out all sorts of things winning lottery tickets…. That’s how I came to have this lovely extension